What to say? Oh My, I put off starting this blog partly out of fear, knowing that I would have to be honest and true to myself and bare my very soul.  I know what I have to say will shock many of my friends who will eventually find their way here but as Popeye once said “I yam what I yam!” So here goes…….

I started this journey of self-discovery after meeting a very special someone who became my catalyst, my inspiration to face my demons, to wrest control of my life, to reexamine my spiritual beliefs, to try to save my marriage and reclaim my relationship with my wife.  Whew, that’s a mouthful, almost overwhelming if I think about it too long.  You see, I feel as though I’m slowly coming out of this immense black cloud that represents almost a half century of depression filled with a porn addiction, a suicide attempt, a steady stream of suicidal thoughts and many other unhealthy endeavors. Don’t worry though, I now know the source of those thoughts and he only has power over me if I let him and that my friends has come to an end. I know my Creator and it’s in Him that I find my strength to go on!

After having spent several months here on WP reading and following blogs I have found a community of fellow travelers who, like myself are dealing with lives that were derailed by childhood tragedy, trauma, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse. Thank you for your brutal honesty and openness!  To you, I feel much gratitude. My story, the seismic event, occurred when I was fourteen and living in Scotland with my Navy family, I am both a Navy brat and vet.  So please come along on this journey with me as I discover who I really am, a poet?, a writer of miscellaneous ramblings?, a lover of One woman or perhaps, just a constant contradiction!

Just so you know the inspiration for the title of this blog comes from The Living Bible Psalms 40 vs 2 “I waited patiently for God to help me; then he listened and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out from the bog and the mire, and set my feet on a hard, firm path, and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, of praises to our God. Now many will hear of the glorious things he did for me, and stand in awe before the Lord, and put their trust in him.”  The bog and the mire really spoke to me as it reminded me so much of my time in Scotland where to a large degree my story begins. Click here for the first of my two part story.

Blessings, Barney

PS: I use a pseudonym on this blog for the privacy and protection of my wife who I will refer to only as “M”. While she is slowly entering into this journey of healing and reconciliation with me I have decided to go all in and be as open and honest with my fellow travelers as I know to be, however I want to spare her any embarrassment or pain.