Barney’s having a Meltdown

you-are-human

 

I’m losing it.  I want to act out and know I can’t. I’m over-stressed, anxious and feel like my head is going to explode.  Can’t sleep, my head is pounding and crying doesn’t alleviate anything, in fact the tears dried up real fast.  I know I need to make a phone call but it’s 6:50am and who wants a call that early. Totally overwhelmed. I want M to just hold me so bad but I know that is not going to happen.  I was reading a  WP blog “Write, Forest, Write”. Forest is a Therapist in Fresno, Ca. who recently celebrated twelve years recovery from porn addiction. You can find a link in the blogs I follow. Two days ago I found a blog post he wrote about how to take a self-compassion break. I was looking that up and about lost-it when I couldn’t find the ear buds to do a guided audio meditation. I need to relax, I need sleep, Gotta go, I need relief.

Barney, in distress…

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14 thoughts on “Barney’s having a Meltdown

    • I’m ok now, just writing helped me calm down enough that I was able to find M’s ear buds and I did an “Urge Surfing” meditation that is just like Tiffany’s “Emotional Achemy” but it is guided. Then I did a 20 min “Body Scan” guided meditation that got my breathing under control and helped me bring compassion to myself one part of my body at a time. It was amazing. I zonked right out. I just discovered two wonderful new tools. Thank you for your conern, it means alot. ❤❤❤ Barney

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    • Rita, I’m ok now, probably the worst anxiety attack I’ve ever had! The good news is now I have some new tools. The flood damage is worse then we thought so I have to contact my agent today. Plus physically and emotionally wore out. I learned a valuable lesson today about my triggers today. How it leads right to beating myself up and then that triggers the desire to self-medicate which only brings guilt and shame that triggers the whole cycle again. I always knew it but this experience today really drove it home. And I found some tools. Thank you for your love and suport ❤❤❤ Barn

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    • Thank you so much! ❤ I’m much better now. I am so excited I found a guided audio “emotional alchemy” that she calls “urge surfing” Yup, she referred to riding the emotional wave. I must do a blog post on this whole experience!

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      • Haha! Yes , now it has a whole new meaning. I shared the post with M and we had a good talk about when she discovered it and her feelings of betrayal, I think we had a breakthrough of sorts! She was even laughing. This has been a good day! ❤️ Thanks for your support, Barn

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      • And out of the darkness you have found a new light! Yes, funny how when we recognize the truth of our fears that it allows us to embrace more of ourselves and others. ❤️ I’m grateful to be of service, Barney 🙂

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