Unquenched

home-alone-loneliness-seascape-paintings-screen-319027

 

Artwork courtesy of Margaret Wolfinbarger and Google Images

 

Thirty eight years

And still alone

Alone in my heart

Alone in my head

Alone every night

In my lonely bed

Desire unquenched

Cravings unmet

Like a physical death

The despair

 It sucks the life out of me

With each and every breath

The emptiness inside

Expands to fill the void

Left by the excruciating loneliness

Heartache and sadness

The tears, they flow

A river of pain

Death without dying

No peace

No final release

Hope and Faith

Feel at times

Like the stuff of dreams

Nothing in Life

But despair

And yet………..

Writers Note:

I penned these words last night in a moment of extreme sadness and emotional distress.  They came slowly and painfully at first as I resisted committing them to paper.  But as I found the strength to surrender in the moment to the feelings bottled up inside they began to flow. It seems that I had forgotten my previous post, “The Process”, and the hashtags, “#Just Write” and “#AndWrite.”  I am slowly learning that my writing is an emotional pressure relief valve for me and that I should not try to dictate or control the words that flow from the pen as that simple closes the valve.  After writing I quickly fell to sleep and awoke hours later with the Hope and Faith that I thought I had lost. They actually flooded back in like filling a vacuum after I put the pen to paper at two in the morning.

  I have the distinct pleasure and honor to meet with my “band of brothers” as I call them, a small number of guy Believers that meet every Monday night to share our thoughts and pray for one another. There is no agenda except to pray for one another before we depart. Last night was special for me.  The weather was perfect so we were out on the deck next to the boat canal talking about our lives and watching the somewhat obscured sunset to the west. We were visited by a flight of Canadian geese, maybe eighteen, winging their way east up the canal right at eye level past us as they struggled to maintain their V formation.  Beautiful does not begin to describe it!  And then we were visited by a fledgling Blue Heron who alighted on the lawn across the canal from us finally moving atop a pole closer to us. There were only three of us last night and I had the opportunity to share much more deeply about my personal struggles and my efforts to rekindle my relationship with “M”, my wife of thirty-eight years. These two brothers I couldn’t have more respect for, both are as humble as they come, have successful marriages and are retired Navy Captains, true leaders of men.  After they both listened to me carefully and asked probing questions, Jim reminded me of Matthew 6:33,  “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”  Without a lecture or a sermon he succinctly helped me to put my priorities back into proper order. How quickly we (I?) forget!

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4 thoughts on “Unquenched

      • LOL Medical bills maybe in the long run…but I’m learning that stress/grief can deeply affect our bodies ability to heal itself. The more negativity we can release the more our bodies respond in a physically positive way. Our bodies greatly respond to our thoughts. The good news is that they can respond to the positive equally as well as the negative. I’m learning. 😉 P. S. The world needs more dreamers. There’s a huge shortage. G-uno

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